It's sometimes hard to remember as an adult how unfamiliar the world is to babies and young children. If you imagine being born, it's similar to swimming under water then emerging to a noisy environment in a crowded pool with sharp sounds and noises. This is why it's so important to maintain a quiet environment for the baby when it is born and why water births are a soothing transition for baby. The outside world is a totally new environment, unfamiliar, and the calm support and familiar noises of mum and dad create a comfort for the baby.

As your baby grows they will mimic you and learn new behaviours through you - as parents you help the children to build their reference framework for the world around them and their life ahead. It's important to do this with love, patience and respect.

I have two toddlers and as much as I try to stay calm sometimes I get frustrated with their lack of compliance, sheer defiance or infighting!

If you tell a child not to do something the first thing he or she will want to do is do it. For example if I say to my 2 year old - Don't slam the door - he has to slam the door to understand why he can't slam the door. If I explain to him patiently and slowly that if he slams the door it makes a loud noise and he may get his fingers stuck in it - he will understand.

I try to remember this all the time, but got a bit of a wake up call with my 4 year old the other day when he simply would not do as he was told, so I ended up shouting at him. This made him upset so we sat down and I apologised for shouting at him, explaining that I find it frustrating that when I ask him to do something important and he doesn't do it. He thought about it a bit and was quiet and then asked me if we could make a deal. The deal was if asked him nicely to do something then he would do it if it meant that I didn't have to shout at him anymore.

What a guy! We negotiated a peaceful conclusion and he does exactly what he is told and if he doesn't I quietly warn him that I am getting frustrated and angry and remind him of our deal.

This made me think again about how truly amazing children are and how important it is to teach them behaviour through love and insight rather than anger and frustration.